Time For An Oil Change

3,000 miles or three months – the time and distance flies like the scenery through a passenger-side window with presidential tint. But the alert pops up on the infotainment center of your 2012 Ford Fiesta, it shines with the fire of a thousand Ford Galaxies. It’s time for an oil change.

Helena offers many options for refreshing your engine blood. For those willing to spare a benjamin, or “Benji” as the local skater nomenclature goes, there is Jiffy Lube. Conveniently located on Last Chance Gultch, it’s the perfect stop after a breakfast and keno session just a block from the casino that borrows its name from the popular boulevard. No expenses will be spared as you peruse your complimentary copy of the Independent Record from the comfort of your heated driver’s seat, as a team of certified lube technicians rushes to install a high-priced selection of wiper blades, cabin filters, and turn signal lamps on your well-deserving lemon.

On a budget? At the opposite end of the spectrum is the no-frills service at the Wal Mart Auto Center. However, if time is truly money, get ready to spend a fortune. Even with an empty bay, the underpaid and drug-addled crew will diligently delay your service for as long as possible. Fortunately, the lobby opens directly into the legendary Wally’s hunting department, where you will surely score a discount deal on a shoddy shotgun (shoddygun?), just in time for Turkey Season. Check back in 45 minutes, and you’ll find your car has been silently finished and parked outside by the reeking dumpsters. A quick press on the red service button by the register will generate a store-wide chime, and within 20 minutes, a blue-vested octogenarian will appear and ham-handedly attempt to ring up your invoice on the outdated POS as other frustrated customers eye you with discounted envy.

No matter how your fortunes find you, Helena offers a fine selection of specialists in the fine art of refreshing your dinosaur juice.

It’s time for an oil change.